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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26369707">all the love as always</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/alluringpoehler/pseuds/alluringpoehler'>alluringpoehler</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Parks and Recreation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:13:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,329</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26369707</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/alluringpoehler/pseuds/alluringpoehler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Benslie drabbles to every single beautiful song on <i>Fine Line</i> by Harry Styles.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>all the love as always</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>thank you to ness for first betaing even though i kept the rest a secret and to avery for betaing the rest even though you don't like benslie fic. love you both.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben walked the corner hurriedly, still trying to get two kids book bags together while standing five feet from their school which was probably not the best idea. </p><p>It was in the middle of the school year and the trees were all blossoming. White bulbs hung off every branch ever so delicately as a slight gust of wind would blow through them every once in a while.</p><p>The city seemed to grow less busy, everyone leaving town after Spring Breaks had hit which made the skyscrapers feel taller and the world look a bit more grey. </p><p>After getting their papers smoothed out, the lunchboxes with the correct child, and shoes tied, he stopped dead in his tracks. He caught the slightest scent of vanilla and the world seemed to hit him in a faze.</p><p>Ben saw flashes of blonde hair, bright smiles, and swollen lips.</p><p>The kids had already run off with small goodbyes but Ben couldn’t hear them, his head was already pounding. </p><p>He caught a taxi to get the rest of the way to work, even though he normally walked. As they drove, the sun got a little too bright and the radio seemed to be a little too loud. Ben checked his watch quickly and then pulled out his phone, reasoning that his assistant hadn’t made her way to the office yet. </p><p>He called for her to give a quick coffee order, this time only ordering a black coffee. Ben normally took it with some cream and sugar but he reasoned that the bitter taste would be the only thing to pull him from this trance. </p><p>Ben walked around the office numbly. He couldn’t see the faces of the people who were asking him how his weekend was, how the kids were doing, or who was telling him what phone calls he missed, how his coffee was sitting on his office desk.</p><p>He saw blurred faces and shaky hands and his head somehow hurt more. The office was too crowded. Too loud.</p><p>Ben finally found his way to his desk and sat down, leaning his head back and taking a deep breath. He grabbed his coffee and took a long sip of it only to realize it tasted way too sweet and life seemed to get blurry again.</p><p>He heard whispered <em> I love yous, </em> faint cackling, and his name on someone else’s lips.</p><p>Ben lifted his fingers to his temples and massaged gently, trying to get this headache to go away. Instead, his throat began to close up and his stomach began to swirl.</p><p>He looked around for some way to ground him, but when he would try to focus on the small painting in the corner of the room, the walls began to close in around him and it felt a lot hotter than before.  </p><p>He tried to stand up but his legs felt a bit too weak and he crumbled to the ground with a faint groan. With his collapse, a tornado of notebooks and papers swirled around him and landed beside him. Some of the notebooks opened to find small doodles created by bright pens and pencils, it looked as if a child had done it yet the colorings were way too exact and organized to have been done by one.</p><p>Ben picked up the notebook to find pages and pages of drawings, all done very neatly and precisely but with so many colors. The colors made his head weaker. He can’t tell if it’s from the whirlwind of rainbows in front of him or the childish glee another adult seemed to have that he had lost before he was old enough to drive.</p><p>It was only 1:32, but Ben had to go home. He couldn’t open his eyes without being thrown into daydreams upon daydreams. He wanted to forget. Forget something that couldn’t even come into full sight. But he <em>couldn’t. </em> He tried and he tried and he tried but all he could think about was <em>her, her, her. </em></p><p>He smelled lemons and possibility. Future and peppermint. Loyalty and vanilla ice cream.</p><p>The only place Ben could clear his head was on a boat. It was an odd thing he’d done since he was young and completely opposite of what people normally thought about him, but it was true. He liked the rocking under his feet and how the sun always seemed to hit just right. It balanced him.</p><p>So he walked to the dock near his house and decided to spend time there before he picked up his kids. As he approached he saw a silhouette standing at the edge. The sun was on the other side of them, making them almost unseeable. He walked closer to them but didn’t call out. Not yet. </p><p>As Ben looked them over he felt something familiar wash over him, as if he’s been here before. As if he’s been with <em>her </em>before. He looked over the silhouette frantically and reasoned it was her. It had to be her. He started seeing the blonde hair, the tiny frame, it had to be.</p><p>But just as he was about to call out to her, he came up short. He didn’t know who she was. And as he blinked his eyes, she was gone.</p><p>Ben searched frantically. There was nowhere she <em>could’ve </em>gone. He felt like crying. He wanted to break down in gut-wrenching sobs, but he couldn’t reason why. Out of the corner of his eyes, he spotted a boat. It was small and dark blue. He had just the smallest thought, the ever so slightest, of jumping on it and sailing away. Leaving everything behind. His job, his home, god, even his kids. But mostly, he wanted to get away from this woman who had been haunting him day in and day out. </p><p>He tried to walk towards his house. The place where his children set up dolls and race cars to play with now seemed like his own mental prison. When he sucked in a breath, he realized he was crying. He tasted his own tears on his lips and he couldn’t tell if the salt was from them or the ocean mist. </p><p>He tasted whipped cream, cotton candy, and sugary tequila.</p><p>Ben had finally made it home after picking up his kids and taking to them the ice cream parlor, both of which he didn’t seem to remember doing, minus the fact that both of his kids had chocolate smothered on their faces. His memory started to fade him as he kept trying to differentiate what was real and what wasn’t.</p><p>After the kids were cleaned and tucked into bed, he couldn’t help but succumb to sleep as well. He wanted a peaceful sleep. He wanted to sleep and not have to think about her for once, but there she was. All angelic and glowing like the sunshine as everything else seemed to burn. He wanted to reach out and touch her. He wanted to ask her why she was doing this. <em> How </em>she was doing this. How she could slip into his mind and take all of his thoughts in dreams from him and replace them with her. </p><p>Only a few hours later Ben awoke, as he hadn’t been getting much sleep in the first place. He woke slowly and reached out to the side of him and for a second he swore he touched something that wasn’t the cushion of his bed. He reached out again and felt <em>her. </em></p><p>He felt loose curls, soft skin, and hot breath.</p><p>He imagined he would look over and see her beaming smile of radiance and pure joy but all he found was an empty side of the bed, still neatly made. Ben laid on his back and rubbed his eyes, a soft sigh escaping his lips.</p><p>As he relooked at his life over the past few months, Ben realized that maybe she was never even here. Maybe she wasn’t even real at all.</p>
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